Candy Boys

DDR Perverts & Their Filthy Habits

Minding my own business today, doing a little worship at the neon altar of Konami when the DDR perverts rock up. I've seen these guys at a couple of the local gaming halls and they always do the same thing.

They rock up, put money in the machine and their entourage of skinny 14 year old girls hop on and dance.

And they watch.

Now, I assume that they are not from the Give Out Free Dance Dance Revolution to the Underpriveliged(tm) Foundation or else they'd be giving me money, because I'm a student and therefore about as underpriveliged as one can be! Therefore I can only assume that they use DDR as a some giant electronic lap for skinny, skanky second-hand "ho s" to dance on, while they stick the dollar bills in the token machine and then slide the resulting tokens into the DDR machine.

Now, as someone who is fundamentally opposed to the practise of camping on machines, if someone's waiting I'll finish my game then let theme on, and indeed, I have had many a game in 'versus' mode with such newfound buddies. As such I let these DDR hookers and their cash-flashin' pimps on and wait for them to finish, so I can complete my goal of being the best DDRing white boy of no mixed descent in Brisbane. My observations add further weight to my theory about the pimping.

These girls can't dance. I would say that they jiggle, but being skanky fourteen year olds with no developed parts yet, they can't. Basically they try 'light mode' songs, suck at them, cackle, then run off (presumably to be groped by their "pimps") leaving me to wonder at the state of a society where the parents of these girls aren't executed for crimes against humanity.

I might also add that their "pimps" are usually some "bad-ass" "mofos" wearing "fubu" or "red 69" or some other "hip" "street" "label". They are also all aged around 23. This leads me to believe that our justice system is certainly justified in breath testing me 4 times within 35 minutes, when I don't drink hardly (or drive at the moment, either - no car) while complete f-ckwits carry out statuatory rape and child exploitation in our video arcades.

To tell you the truth, it annoys me when I have to let them on, because it makes me lose my rhythm because they choose all these 80bpm "R'n'B" tunes that a crippled deaf, blind and dumb person could ace in maniac mode. And they remind me of Niki Webster, who sucks like a VAX. The vacuum cleaner, that is, not the computer.

By the way, Patrick, Silent Hill also happens to be the name of a video game released by Konami a few years ago. There ya go!

Yes, you need more coffee.

Much, much more

And my favourite part : nobody steps on anyone elses feet. Unless they're playing with me.

Is That Your Kidney On The Machine?

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is are differences and similarities between video game arcades. Not so much the games - I mean, everyone has DDR, SilentScope and Daytona - but more the people and their behaviours.

Take queue ettiquette for example. My fellow Candyboys and I went to the local 'Replay Family Entertainment Center' after a rather enjoyable screening of Osamu Tezuka's Metropolis (Directed by Rintaro) with the intention to Dance Dance some Revolution. Whlie we were on the machine this guy started pumping tokens into the cabinet. luckily we weren't dancing (we were selecting song 2), however we quizzed his behaviour and his response was "Oh, that's what we do here."

Judging by the ease with which he rated A's in Maniac mode, he was a regular, so we took his comment to be the rule at said arcade. Being the old skool gamers that we are we're used to the traditional method of 'place your money' on the machine. I don't really feel comfortable interfering with the machines in any way while someone else is using them. Besides the fact that someone could just play through your credits if they don't know the rules.

Anyway, now we just don't go there much anymore.